hard of heart here

id like to hold you under water,

 

our lips touching, sharing a breath that at any moment could

become a virus that keeps us together.

 

or id do this and youd leave me, youd not want to be

tested

in a way that could leave you breathless in the real sense of the word.

dead.

but i dont want you to die, i want to see how long the air between

us

sustains, how long we take to settle into some kind of rhythm.

i, terrified of rhythm, how more times than not

it becomes repetitious

 

i cant tell if you changed octaves without me

or if you are waiting for me to harmonize.

 

so

now here is a hard one,

hard words that write themselves when my eyes are

heavy lidded or when im in the shower, soft scrubbing the scaled parts.

 

the sky is that blue that skies are and im sitting, not with you

and not with me either.

somewhere in between again,

floating through again and trying to rest

on hot heels that take me too far

away.

 

its very fuzzy here.

the herbs are bitter here

warm the belly so i can digest you better.

im tasting your fullness, youre heavy and i want it,

hands hard of heart, inching into me and mine

and telling me youre here

and i know it.

i feel the vibrations of our kisses in tendrils and toes,

i taste them, the memory of them, when youve left.

indelible, youre reaching around me and holding my thigh in a way that makes it all better. or different, at the very least,

pulling shifting me into a new rhythm and im still underwater toes puncturing the surface

telling you to come take a dip.

leading you down into air.

 

9 as the number going back into itself.

9

9

9

and then a 3 and one more 3.

inner worlds.

i am the ultimate introvert, the

hermit

tells me so when im willing to listen

and can you come hermitize with me?